Who am I?

“Who am I?” this question suddenly popped into my mind today. This question “Who am I?” has been plaguing philosophers for an eternity. Everybody from ancient Indian thinkers to Zen Buddhists has struggled with this question.

I was not interested in metaphysical concepts of the ‘I” as the soul or the atman. I wanted to look at myself as an ordinary observer and try to understand what this “I” is. With a little thought I came to realize that I am aware of my “I” through my pre-dispositions in life.

At the most basic level I am pure consciousness. “I” am the life force behind this mortal frame, the power behind my mind and intellect. However there is something unique in my “I”. I realized “I” was a bundle of fears, anxieties, likes and dislikes. I knew “myself” by how “I” reacted to external events. There were certain things that made me happy, certain things that made me sad, and other things that annoyed me. I had buttons which when pressed truly irritated me.

At a the surface it looked like “I” was just a product of my life’s experiences, a bundle of things I learnt from my childhood and things taught to me by my parents, teachers and friends and my environment.

So while “I” came into existence after my birth, am “I” just a sum total of my living years? With a little more thought I realized that this cannot be. Clearly “I” am more than just my experiences in life. I also have instincts and innate tendencies that were neither learnt nor taught to me in this life time. As a human being “I: was more inclined to go after pleasure and avoid anything either caused pain or disappointment. These came to me as a package from my birth. So where did these instincts and innate tendencies come from?

One answer, if one believes in the transmigration of the soul, according to Hindu and Buddhist philosophy we could say that my instincts are all the learned experiences of my soul which existed in other bodies before myself. Since this theory has neither been proved nor disproved I wanted a more rational explanation.

So I realized that my inborn instincts are the product of genetic transference from my ancestors. The experiences of my forefathers and ancestors were transferred from generation to generation to the now living and breathing “I”.

I came to the understanding that “I” was older than my own age. “I” had been living from millions of years. I realized that “I” was not just myself but much, much more.