The difficulty of altruism

All of us have altruistic urges, to a larger or smaller extent. But there is usually only a small part of us that is kind. However being consistently and uniformly altruistic is rare and fairly non-existent even among so called swamis and holy men.

The lopsided altruism: Most of us practice lopsided altruism. There are some who would not bat an eyelid in shelling out money to a charitable organization - to orphans, to the hungry and the needy. Yet these very same people will find it difficult to be charitable in their nature to their relatives or a colleague. They will be unkind, rude and biased. On the other hand there are those who will be generous to their near and dear ones. They will make sure that their family, relatives and dear ones get their full attention. However they will turn a blind eye to the destitute and the really needy.

The generosity oxymoron: We are expected to give without even the expectation of gratitude. However we generally tend to feel pleased with ourselves and our own perceived nobility. In fact some people even go to the extent of comparing themselves mentally and feel that they are superior in generosity. This is an oxymoron. There is never more generosity. It is as meaningless as being “more pure”.

Ego vs. altruism: This is another bind we typically get into. For e,g. if there is another who is also morally responsible for something then our altruism will depend on whether the other person is equally altruistic as we perceive ourselves to be. For e.g. if there is a village which can benefit from increased funding we will feel that we can give only if all responsible parties also give. Closer to home it is common for a spouse to ignore their child if their significant other ignores the child. In these cases the ego gets in the way and the child or the village suffers. It is better that we get rid of our egoism and give regardless of whether anybody else does or not.

While all of us have an altruistic and generous nature out pettiness often gets in the way. Generosity of heart has to be practiced till it becomes a habit. It requires a lot of thought to keep us broad minded and truly generous.

Modes of the mind – The assimilator, the evaluator and the processor modes

Our mind operates in many modes the results of which are our outbursts, our irritations, signs of impatience, flashes of insight or feelings of wistfulness. In my opinion there are 3 main modes in which out mind operates.  All the modes may operate simultaneously but usually one of them predominates. I call them the assimilator, the evaluator and the processor modes.

The Assimilator mode: In this mode the mind is absorbing things quietly. While you may focus on only a part of an event or a picture the mind goes about assimilating all sorts of information. For e.g. while we may be watching a sporting event our mind may record the smells, the sounds and the general atmosphere. While we may not be aware of this assimilation it is this recording of the mind that sometimes triggers strange feelings of longing when we see or experience something. It is quite likely that in the past we observed an event when a particular doleful song was being played. It is quite likely that when we hear the tune we may be reminded of the event or a similar experience may trigger feelings of melancholy.

The Evaluator Mode:  In this mode our mind is evaluating a situation or an experience and will constantly give us its assessment. After we complete our exams or finish a tough interview the Evaluator mode goes on an overdrive. The mind keeps evaluating the situation and starts nagging. How often have we been on tenterhooks to know whether we would pass a competitive exam or whether we would get a dream job?  In this mode the mind keeps constantly nagging. We can neither wish it away nor ignore it. One approach is to try and reason and justify your position to yourself. This can put a temporary stop but beware it can re-appear with renewed vigor if your reasoning is not good enough.

The Processor mode: In this mode the mind is most effective. In this mode the mind quietly works on any complex problem that is bothering you. You may not be even aware of its working. However the mind in the background is trying out various possibilities and determining solutions. It is creative and come ups with ideas that you consciously would not even think of. Flashes of insight or serendipitous discoveries happen because the mind is operating in the processor mode. When we are faced with a tough problem it is good idea to give the problem some thought and simply park it our brain. As long as you have a strong intention in getting the problem solved you can rest assured, literally, that your mind will figure it out for you.

Knowing the different modes of the mind is extremely important in our daily lives. In the assimilator mode it is a good idea to be extra alert, in the evaluator mode we must reason out the situation for ourselves and in the processor mode we must have a strong desire for an outcome. If we do this we will put our minds to good use.

The Mirage of Success

What is success?  As we grow older the word “success” undergoes a major transformation. From our early view that success is getting a first class in your board exam, to cracking a competitive exam and much later to securing a dream job our notion of success undergoes a metamorphosis.

We are often told that “Success is not a destination but a journey”. This is true to an extent. However success cannot be defined in narrow terms of a specific context or a time continuum.

Success in life is dependent on not just our place in life but also on that of our near and dear ones and people at large. As we grow older success can not be based on only our achievements it will also depend on the achievements of people we love.  But then the natural question arises, is success really dependent on achievements. So do we think that a Michael Jackson or a Elvis Presley was successful?

Clearly this is not the case. Success is not dependent on achieving laurels, fame, respect or power. In my opinion it also does not imply sustained fame, respect or power.  To me success in life is how well a person is able to tackle the challenges in life. Success is also dependent on how well you can inculcate a sense of confidence, a sense of courage and discipline in your children or family member. Success also implies how we go about improving the lot of people’s lives in whatever small or insignificant ways. Success then means how we conduct our lives and how we inspire others to live well.

As we reach closer to the grave if we look back at our lives what will we think of? Will we recount the fame or the money we earned? Will we be able to look at satisfaction at the way our children carry themselves. Will be look back at all those times we were able to lend a helping hand to those in need?

Success as we know or visualize is nothing more than a mirage. The occasional triumphs, the victories or recognitions we get will pass.

What will endure are the principles that we hand down to children, the values that we inspire in others. That in my opinion is “true success!”

Mind your mind

“It’s all in the mind” we hear this pretty often. What is the mind? Does it really exist? According to the Bhagavad Gita at the gross level we have the indriyas (senses), above which we have manas (mind) and then the buddhi (intellect) and finally the atma (the self).

We know we have a brain. So then what is the mind? The mind in reality does not exist. The mind is nothing more than the manifestation of our beliefs, opinions, biases and judgments. The mind exists when there is a parade of thoughts in our brain. The mind is like the “current” in water.  It is a dynamic quality and not a physical entity. In fact our mind only exists in our mind.

However while the mind does exist physically as an entity it does come into existence as a manifestation of our deepest beliefs, biases and opinions.

We have to be mindful of our mind. Some of things we need to do are

Free yourself of assumptions: Our thoughts and actions are usually based on our ideas. Many a time we tend to assume things. We see only a snapshot of people or events. We get to know people only through small windows. However the mind tends to average out these experiences from individual events. It tends to interpolate meaning into seemingly unconnected events. The danger of this is that we tend to assume things that are not typically true. For e.g. just because somebody smiles at you on a couple of occasions does not mean that they think favorably of you. Similarly, just because someone is brusque with you on a few occasions does not mean that they dislike you.  We have to question our assumptions and generally not extrapolate from isolated events

Free yourself of prejudices: This is another trait of which most of us are guilty of. We are prejudiced towards certain people or acts. We just instantaneously develop a dislike towards somebody or some task. For e.g. if your boss gives you some task to do on a regular basis we may transfer our dislike of our boss to the task given. We will cringe when we have to do this task. It is really important that we step back and try to put off our biases and look at the task or person clearly. If we do that we may find that we really like the task.

The predictable mind: Our mind is in many ways quite predictable. If we like someone then we go out of our way to protect them. For e.g. a parent is extremely careful that his/her child does suffer any pain. Conversely when we hate someone we ensure that we inflict maximum pain to the person we hate. Our mind relishes the pain that somebody whom we hate has to undergo.

So while the mind is a manifestation of our fears, hopes and prejudices it is extremely important that we use our faculty of reason and question these deep-seated beliefs. We have to extremely mindful of our mind.

Who are you?

That must have taken you by surprise. Rather than asking “Who am I?” have you ever wondered “Who you really are?” in the eyes of others. Who you are in your own eyes is usually quite different from the way other people view you

You are the only person who spends the most time with yourself which would probably indicate that you know yourself best. But there is an issue here as our assessment of ourselves sometimes can be quite erroneous. We may have wrong ideas, wrong biases and wrong judgments on which we base our own image of ourselves.

This does not necessarily mean that the assessment others have of us will be right. In some cases it may be more correct than our own view in others it may not.

So how do others see us? Other’s view of us is based on the interactions that we have them.  In each interaction people see us through a small window. Each subsequent interaction is another window. Typically what happens is that people tend to interpolate and average out your personality between these windows and arrive at what they think  is your personality. For e.g. if several of your meetings with an recent acquaintance of yours shows up your humorous side then it is quite natural the other person will assume that you are generally a fun guy to be with. If you appear irritated and testy during your brief interactions the other person will form an opinion that you are generally a short tempered person.

So while in your own mind these behaviors of yours may really be temporary the other person view of you will be based on these windows into your personality rather than who you really are. So don’t be surprised if somebody has a completely different idea about you as you have of yourself.

This is particularly important in the professional world. Make sure you keep sending those “Hello” messages to your manager and your colleagues. This is also another reason to network and interact more often with your friends and colleagues so that your perception of yourself and the perception others have of you are in sync.

Facets of intelligence

Whenever we think of intelligence we normally tend to confuse it with one’s ability to solve puzzles, mathematical problems, and ability to analyze science problems. To make matters worse we have IQ scores that measure one’s ability to solve a wide variety of test problems. I would like to call this intelligence as “paper intelligence”. This type of intelligence is hardly of any use in real life. One good attempt to classify intelligence was by psychologist Howard Gardner’s in his Theory of multiple intelligences in which he states that there are 9 types of intelligence.

In my view intelligence far from being a problem on paper requires much more involvement. It requires the ability to understand situations, have an insight into multiple contexts, capability to understand nuances, resolve different ideas between people. Intelligence should be accompanied by sound common sense, gumption and dollops of street smarts. In this context I would like to propose the following types of intelligence in people

Personal Intelligence: This is the most basic requirement for a person. This intelligence enables a person to understand what he needs in every point in his life and how to go about achieving it. For e.g. a teenager would understand the importance of learning a professional would realize the need for qualifications or an intelligent sport person would understand the importance of consistent practice. People with this type of intelligence would understand the need to remain healthy and would follow an exercise regimen religiously. Having personal intelligence we would know that we would need to save for our future. We would prudently invest in stocks, funds or CDs to increase our net worth in life.

Professional Intelligence: Have you ever wondered why those with talent sometimes never reach the top of the ladder while others who appear less talented are able to cruise to the top of the management ladder. In my opinion this is because the latter have something I would like to call professional intelligence. For this the person must not only deliver but he/she must make sure that all concerned are aware of his/her contribution. This type of intelligence requires a combination of talent, hard work, ability to influence people and some amount of appropriate self advertisement. Some people are endowed with this type of intelligence. They know what wheels to turn in order to get farther in life.

Interpersonal Intelligence: This is extremely powerful type of intelligence and very few people have it. This intelligence requires that the person be able to weigh each and every individual he/she comes across and be able to turn lever that will make the other person feel important and valued. People endowed with interpersonal intelligence will exert a lot of power. People around them generally love to work for these types of people.

Ethical Intelligence: This intelligence deals with the ability to weight different possibilities in a conflict and to make appropriate choice, Ethical intelligence involves the ability to weigh a hierarchy of values and choose what is most appropriate under the given circumstances

Social Intelligence: This is to some extent similar to interpersonal intelligence though it is on a much larger scale. Social intelligence indicates a complete understanding of how society at large operates. It requires knowledge of what is important to the people at large. Social intelligence is being able to identify a larger purpose in a situation influence people. These people are leaders and can start a movement if required be.

Conclusion: Intelligence thus has many facets to it. In most cases it requires certain perspicacity, the ability weigh situations, understand the contextual complexity and take decisive actions. Intelligence in real-life has little to do solving paper problems. Intelligence involves being able to adjust oneself according to different contexts and choose the most appropriate course of action.

Are you left-brained, right-brained or bird brained?

Which type are you? Are you left-brained, right-brained or simply bird-brained (just kidding!)? Ok, I was kidding there. But if you are either left or right brained you could face serious issues in life. As we know our brain is made up of 2 hemispheres. The left hemisphere is a logical and sequential processing machine. The right on the other hand is intuitive and can take a more holistic view of things. A balanced approach to life will involve both hemispheres.

But very often in life we come across people who are either left or right brained. So let me give you an example of left-brained interactions.

Husband (upset and tired) returns from office: “I got into an argument with my boss today”

Consider these 2 responses

Wife:  “Why did you not do your assignment given?” 

As opposed to

Wife: “Its ok, relax. You can tell me later.”

Or consider this

Son (crying): “My head is aching, daddy”

Dad: “I told you not to play those computer games”

As opposed

Dad: “Go lie down.” And much later when the son feels better tells him about not spending too much time on the computer.

In both the above cases the response is rational, logical and correct. There is no emotional sympathy involved. This is case of left brained activity which really does not help much and can be quite irritating.

Let us consider the alternate, right-brained only responses. These people simply believe in something. They neither reason nor analyze their thoughts. How many times you come across people saying “I just dislike him/her” They never try to analyze what it is about the other person that they dislike. These people simply guess things. They form opinions based on hunches and react impulsively. This is right brained response and can be equally dangerous.

What is really required is that we assess the situation objectively, listen to what our heart tells us and then analyze it logically. There has to be nice balance between the left and right hemispheres. This way we will have proper approach to life and the world.

An open letter to Sachin Tendulkar

Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar – The man who knew cricketing infinity, icon, god and demi-god all rolled into one. I think it is time that you called it quits! Before you dismiss me as another one of your critics let me assure you that I am not your critic. I was a fan of yours once upon a time. Not anymore! It is high time that you retired and passed the cricketing baton to a younger generation.

Here are some questions that you need to honestly answer to yourself.

You say “I will continue to play as long as I enjoy my cricket”. Does not the statement sound extremely self-serving? You are more interested in you enjoying your cricket rather than the billions enjoying your cricket. Don’t you realize that many a youngster with a larger heart would enjoy cricket in the Indian team a lot more than you.

You say “It would be selfish of me to retire now when I am in the top of my form.” I have to admit that this statement of yours is an extremely clever form of self-deception. Isn’t it more selfish to deprive budding youngsters of a chance to play in the national team? Not many will agree with your assessment that you are now in top-form when it has taken you more than a year to score your 100th century.

You say”I know when to retire”. Do really believe you do? If you did you would have quit after India won the World Cup. The other more important issue is that few will have the courage to tell you to leave. After all you have more number of runs, 50’s and centuries than anybody else.

You say “I get goose bumps when I hear the national anthem while standing along with your team mates.” While it is nice to know that your patriotic sense still burns in you imagine what a youngster who is getting a first chance to play in the national team would feel in a similar situation. His heart would probably burst with pride.

In any case with your love for the game, with your patriotic desires the best thing you could give a lot back to cricket and to India. For e.g. you could start a cricketing academy and coach youngsters on the nuances of the game. You could write a book on the “sound batting technique”. You could give so much more away from the limelight than you being in the Indian team with its hectic schedules.

I sincerely hope that Sachin the gentleman prevails over Sachin the cricketer!

Mind-maps

Dr. Daniel Siegel in his book mindsight talks about the need to have mindsight or an awareness of the activities of our mind. He suggests that we need to understand our SIFT and (Sensations, Images, Feelings and Thoughts) while encountering difficult emotions. One particular concept in his book is the concept of using maps in knowing ourselves, our dear ones or people at large.

In the book he discusses what he calls Me-map, You-map and Us-map. So what are these maps?

Me-map: Most of us are so wrapped in ourselves that we have what I would like to refer as I-map. We are the center of the universe. We are the nucleus behind all worldly activity. Our problems consume us completely. What is more important is that we have what is termed as Me-map. We need to understand ourselves. We need to be aware of our sensations, images, thoughts and feeling (SIFT) in each every encounter that we have. We have to understand ourselves.

You-map: Our daily lives are made of interactions with our spouses, our children, relatives and colleagues. But we usually run into rough weather in our relations. Why does this happen? This because with everybody we create a he-map or she-map. We look at them objectively. When our spouse or friends relate their problems or source of joy to us we mentally look at it objectively. What is really needed is that we create a You-map. We need to be able to view the problem or source of joy through their eyes and mind. We must be able to visualize what they are going through and what they are experiencing. For this we need to be good at creating You-maps

Us-maps: Very few in this world create Us-maps. When we hear of poverty or see pain we usually create a They-map. We must feel both empathy and sympathy for this. We need to create Us-maps. We must feel compassion for the suffering and pain of others. We must be able to visualize what the under-privileged are going through. We need to feel compassion (Do read Dr. Alex Lickerman’s post: What compassion is?). We need to create Us-maps.

Hence to improve the quality of our daily lives we need to become adept in creating Me-maps, You-maps and Us-maps.

Our bottom-up mind

Our mind works from the bottom up. In other words the sub-conscious mind with all its emotions drives our conscious mind.

In a day we human beings have close to 12000 thoughts. A large part of these thoughts are driven by our inner desires, our hatreds, our likes and dislikes. The conscious mind more often than not, is just verbalizing what we feel inside our deepest core. The conscious mind tries to explain or put words to our feelings.

For e.g. let us say that you resent some person. What happens is that the conscious mind comes up with ideas about all the negative aspect of the person you dislike. You will find that there are so many reasons why the person you hate is so despicable. The conscious mind will explain the inner hatred that you have. In the end you will start believing that the hatred is a consequence of all your observations rather than the other way around i.e. you had resented this person to start with.

On the other hand when we are infatuated with some body then our mind finds so many reasons to make this person virtuous. We find qualities in the person that probably don’t even exist. In many ways the unconscious mind triggers thoughts in our conscious surface.

While we may think that we are reasoning the world we see around us, in most case we just try to explain to ourselves what our emotions are telling us.

In fact in “How to know yourself”, Alex Lickerman, M.D. says that if we explore our mind we will discover things that are counter to our expectations. He goes on to say “The conscious mind, however, is a great explainer. It’s irresistibly drawn into making sense of the world and everything in it, including itself.”

In most cases it is more important to address our biases, our resentments or our anger. If we are caught in trying to argue with ourselves,verbally, then we will end up frustrated. We have to attack the underlying cause which is behind all our verbal layers that our conscious mind makes to root out the problem.

Succeeding in life

Most of us want to be successful in life. We tend to focus on the word “success”. Success by itself denotes nothing more than an accomplishment at a particular point in time or a series of achievements in a narrow field. It is an event or a series of events in a specified field. When we think of successful people we may think of a Steve Jobs, a Michael Jackson, the Beatles or Mark Zuckerberg

All of the above have achieved success in life. Clearly they were veterans in their chosen field. But there is a difference between achieving “success in life” and “succeeding in life”.

If we want to achieve success in life then we have to put our whole heart and soul into the narrow domain we are interested and keep persevering in it. There is nothing wrong with this.

However if we do achieve success in it we may still feel unsatisfied. The issue is that while we are successful we have not succeeded in life.

In order to succeed in life we have to understand that we have to succeed in the journey of life. We have often heard the saying “Success is not a destination, it is journey”.

In this journey in life we have different spheres of activity namely our personal, our professional, our social and our spiritual. Achieving success in a narrow domain will not make us feel great except in a temporary sense.

To succeed we have to focus our attention in all aspects of life while trying to excel in any narrow domain of our choice – music, technology, creative writing or sports. How often we hear of famous people complaining that their lives feel empty. How many of the rich and famous join some cult or follow some spiritual guru.

While success in life indicates a personal victory, succeeding at life is much broader. To succeed in life we may face occasional setbacks, but in life as a whole we will be able to achieve what we intend to.

So to succeed in life we need to ensure that our personal and family life is in order. We have to make sure that we excel in our professional life. We need to constantly increase our circle of friends and finally we need to make spiritual progress on a continuous basis.

In this journey we have to keep at succeeding in life rather in just trying to attain temporary success.

Are we deceiving ourselves?

Are we deceiving ourselves? This was the question which I have been asking myself for the past couple of days. If for a moment we put away our ideas of soul, atman, karma and sin then what are we left with. We would just live each and every day in own merit.

So does karma or sin really make sense? A human being is nothing more than a slightly glorified version of an animal. We probably have a much more evolved sense of ourselves, have developed a language to communicate and would like to think that we have choice. As human beings we really pride ourselves with having the ability to be self-aware besides also having the freedom of choice.

This choice that we pride ourselves in is nothing more than a slightly evolved animal ability. I have seen a dog smell a piece of bread on occasions and quietly turn away. Is it not exercising choice then?

Then we delude ourselves into thinking that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. This is really only true to human beings who are conscious of their acts. There are many people in the world who simply rationalize their acts and sleep with an easy conscience for the rest of their lives.

When a lion slaughters a deer and eats it does it acquire bad karma? No. However if subsequently a hunter comes and shoots it down would the animal world deceive itself that it was the lion’s karma to get killed?

This brings us to the Greek ethical question that plagued the Greek philosophers’ many thousand years ago. “Is it better to be strong or is it better to be good?” They concluded it is better to be strong.

That is reality. In many ways we live in a world of “matsya nyaya” or might is right. However there are sensible people in the world who do good to others simply because they believe “in doing unto others what they would like have done unto them”.

What are your thoughts on this?

Say hello - To yourself!

If there is anybody we spend the most time with it is ourselves. We are with ourselves, right from the time that we are born. We know of others only through occasional interactions or hearsay. We are in reality not really familiar even with our parents, brothers or sisters.

Despite spending a life time with ourselves we are hardly aware of our inner selves.

That is because our mind forms an effective shield to who we really are. Out mind deceives us so very artfully that we are hardly aware of it. Our pure inner self is covered by layers of clever deception wrought by our mind.

Who we think we are and who we really are completely different. In our minds we are the smartest, the kindest and the most sincere human being on earth. We are the “knight in shining armor” in our mind’s eye.

On the other hand, our mind will quickly pounce on all the faults and foibles of our near and dear. Our mind will tend to zero in on the negative traits of people and will try to position ourselves in a better light.

We never pause for a moment and try to reflect on who we really are. We never try to peel the layers of deceit which are mind wraps our understanding with and warps our view of reality. That is the real problem!

If we stop by to dig deeper into our inclinations, into our interests, into our likes and dislikes we may come up with things about ourselves that may not be too palatable. We may realize that we are in reality quite selfish, quite conceited and really unkind.

We may come up with the awful realization that we are not really doing anything worthwhile with our lives.
So I would suggest that you take a deep breath and say a “hello” to yourself.

Start by looking into your inner core. Try to peel of the layers of deceit that your mind had created all through these years. Try to go beyond the constant chatter of petty resentment, beyond the nagging of your mind and try to understand who you really are.

We should clear the dust, dirt and grime from our minds. Only then we may be able to see the mirror of our pure selves at our inner core.

Manage your future …Now!

There are 3 types of people in this world. The first type generally drifts about in life. They go wherever life takes them. They have neither interest nor passion about anything. The second category of people are the highly stressed lot. They are usually tossed about from one crisis to another and they are highly strung and overwrought in life. The last category of people are those who have a purpose in life.

Life is all about having meaning and purpose. What is really important is that we sit down and take stock of our life. We have to actively manage our future and we have to do it now!

It is in our own self-interest that we take an active interest in how we manage our future and our life. To do this we have to ask these pointed questions to ourselves

Where am I now?
This is the first question you have to pose to yourself. Are you happy with life? Are you frustrated? Are you content? We have to look at our lives in all possible angles. Are we having a good family life? Are we spending quality time with our spouses, children, parents, brothers and sisters? Ask yourself, “Am I enjoying my job? Am I getting the salary I deserve or am I in the right place with the right designation? How is your standing in the social circle – you old school, college friend and you old colleagues. We have to ask these questions and we must try to answer them honestly.

The next question that we have to pose ourselves with is –

Where do I want to go?
Given a clear view of where you are currently where would you like to be in the next couple of years? We have to have a realistic view of what we want to do in life and what we want to achieve. Imagine your future. Are you looking for respect among peers, a larger social circle or a better position in a larger organization? Would you like to own a house, a car or send your child to study in a foreign university? While being realistic in your dreams make sure you sprinkle a lot of ambition. If you can dream it, you can surely achieve it.

And finally
What am I going to do about it…Now!
You have understood where you stand in life and you know where you want to go in your future. The next step is act. To put into motion things that will get you started on the path to achievement, to the path of your dreams and to your future. As they say “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”. Act now and act decisively. In management parlance it is all about “execution”. We must execute on the plans starting now to achieve what may seem impossible.

So, take control of your life and drive bravely to a brighter future.

The law of conservation of mental energy

Equilibrium, equipoise and equanimity – these are the key principles behind the “law of conservation of mental energy”. We have to maintain our equilibrium in the face of success or failure, victory or defeat, pain or pleasure. The Gita says “that a true yogi is beyond opposites, he is above duality”

This is no idle statement. The ability to maintain our equanimity in the face of failure is extremely important. When we depressed or when we get excited we expend a lot of mental energy. When our mind is under tremendous stress because of pain or when we are too excited overjoyed our mind looses its equilibrium and is in a state of unstable tension. Prolonged excitement or depression can really leave one enervated and exhausted.

Hence it is critical to be able to maintain our mental equilibrium under all conditions. This is extremely difficult to put into practice since we are conditioned and programmed to react with joy to success and feel depressed when hurt or when encountering failure.

We could maintain our poise by telling ourselves that the excitement or sadness will eventually pass. We can then try to view it slightly more dispassionately.

When we conserve our mental energies by maintaining our mental equilibrium we are left with more energy to focus on problems that we have. If we expend all our energies in being overjoyed or in feeling downcast we are bound to be exhausted and we will not have any energy left.

So the key principle in life is to maintain equipoise under all circumstances.

Learn to unthink

Yes. We have to consciously learn to “unthink”. This may seem odd. After all what is “unthinking”. According to me “unthinking” is the need to stop a thought in its tracks and consciously think on another line contrary to our innate tendencies. Let give you an example. When someone insults you, our natural tendency is to get angry. Why? Because our egos have been hurt and we feel the strong urge to retaliate and give a piece of our mind to that somebody. We react this way because of our conditioning, because of years of programming handed down to us through the ages that insults have to be responded in equal measure with anger.

It here we need to pause and reflect. Can we instead of reacting with anger, extinguish immediately the surging fury in us and instead smile and act gracious towards our offender. This is what I mean that we have to unthink the insult. As Christ says, “love your enemy. Be kind to those you hate you”. In other words we have to go against the grain of our programmed and predictable behavior and respond with graciousness and magnanimity.

We have to consciously unthink in these cases. As humans we all crave for recognition and fear criticism. We want those words of praise for the acts that we do. We want recognition. We want respect. “I” have done this. “I” Have achieved this gets in the way. In these situations also we need to “unthink”.

We have to get rid of the “I am the doer” and “I am the change agent”. This is what the Gita tells us. We are not really the agents we believe we are. It is all in God’s plan. We just fit in the grand scheme of things and really we cannot take credit for the success or failure of what we do. In other words we have to learn to “unthink”

The ability to not just act according to our pre-dispositions, according to our programmed behavior is extremely difficult to do. In most cases we just behave in certain ways without even thinking just because our reasoning mind tells us do so.

But beyond the reasoning mind of us mere mortals are the great teaching of Jesus or Christ which requires to step back, unthink and then act.

The purpose of life is constant renewal

As we progress through life we accumulate various unique experiences. From our individual experiences we form opinions, judgments and biases. From our biases we start to build our belief systems. Based on our belief system we start to act one way or the other.

For e.g. our belief system may result in our finding fault with our friend or our relative. We have our own set of beliefs of what is right and what is wrong. We think a person should have acted in some particular way. When we find them behaving in a different way then we begin to find fault with them. However the person so acting is doing so based on his/her belief on what on what the correct response should be.

Hence in this world all of us carry within ourselves our own individual belief systems which are usually the result of a lot of confusion and strife in this world.

Our primary purpose in life is to reflect deeply on own belief system and constantly try to refine our view of the world. Most of the time, many of us just carry on with our own ideas of how things should be. We rarely ever try to realign our belief systems. We just continue to stick to our views rigidly which we formed based on our experiences in this world.

Every now and then we need to take stock of our beliefs and our value system. One way to do this is to read the scriptures or to read or listen to the masters. We then will have to reflect on the true meaning behind the words. For e.g. the verse from the Gita “do your duty without any attachment and dedicate the fruits to God” can mean different things to different people. For some it can mean that one has to go to office and stomach all sorts of indignities heaped on one in official life. To a housewife it could mean “being a good mother and wife”. But the more we think about this we realize that there are a million different shades to the above statement. It could imply doing our duty as a son, father, husband, friend, colleague, worker, boss to being a good Samaritan a good citizen and so on. Similarly the biblical saying “if anyone smites thee on one check, show him the other” could again mean many things from quietly accepting ill-treatment, to changing another through magnanimity or to repay with love, acts of violence.

In any case, we need to reflect and refine our beliefs. This will take time. We should not persist in stagnating in our rigid views. We have to constantly refine our personal views of the world. This is imperative in life.

Life's lessons from the Gita and the Bible

Here a list of key lessons from the Gita and the Bible. These are really difficult lessons to practice in daily life but well worth trying.

- Maintain your poise towards success or failure, pleasure or pain, sorrow or joy (A true yogi is one who has transcended the dualities – Gita)

- Maintain your equanimity at all times. Do not swayed by praise or criticism ( A true yogi is neither elated at praise nor is he upset by criticism – Gita). If we have this attitude we will not crave for recognition nor will fear criticism

- Treat everyone equally without bias or partiality (To a true yogi a brahmin, an outcast or a dog is one and the same – Gita). We should not form opinions or pass judgments on others.

- Repay with love when an act of unkindness (Love your enemy – Bible).

- Never harbor any hatred towards anybody at anytime (Forgive those who hurt you. Pray for those who persecute you – Bible). It never helps to nurse a grudge against anyone. A grudge is an unnecessary burden than be destroyed utterly only through forgiveness.

- Give and give freely. Do not trumpet your acts of charity (Your left hand should not know what your right hand is doing – Bible)

- Avoid finding fault with others or criticizing another (Judge not, lest ye be judged. Condemn not, lest ye be condemned – Bible)

- Perform all actions without any ulterior motive (Do your duty without any desire for the fruits of your actions – Gita)

These lessons from the Gita and the Bible are truly eternal in their concept. They are living lessons that will live till eternity

The mind has its own reasons

“The mind has its own reasons” may come as a surprise. But this is very true. While we may consciously reason and want to react in a certain way, when a situation presents itself we react instantaneously based on our internal conditioning. In other words we behave according to the reasoning of our mind.

We may read profound philosophy, be able to articulate noble ideas and thoughts. But in our daily lives when someone attacks our ego we react with anger. All our spirituality and philosophy simply goes up in smoke. We may cool down as an afterthought.

What this indicates to us is that intellectual understanding of spirituality is one thing but adherence to it in real life is completely different. It is not enough that we understand spirituality. We have to internalize it through constant practice.

We have to be able to remove the deep programming that is within us. We have to peel layer by layer this conditioning of ours. It is not easy to react with kindness when somebody is mean to us. Generations of conditioning will make us spew venom in retaliation to meanness. Is there a way to remove this conditioning?

In my opinion, spirituality like any other discipline requires years of practice and a constant unswerving devotion to God. We must through practice internalize good values in our lives.

It is only then will be able to be unruffled by “criticism or praise” as the Gita requires us. It is only then will be able to “love our enemy” as suggested by Christ.

But to achieve such a state in life is no easy task and requires discipline, complete surrender to God and an in-depth understanding of our own mind. We must dispel all the cobwebs of evil in our mind and replace it with love and devotion to God.

Only then can we lead a truly virtuous life.

The puzzle of life – The Hindu, Christian and Buddhist view

Life is a puzzle at best. Different religions and religious philosophies have different approaches to life and the way to handle it. While at one end of the spectrum all religions are the same, at the other end they are unique and look at life from a completely different angle. This post tries to look at 3 of major religions of the world and their approach to life and how to conduct ourselves

Buddhism:
Buddhism answers the essential question “What is life?” The root of all existence is human suffering. Buddha expounds that life is suffering, in his four noble truths. Buddhism further clarifies that suffering is born of attachment, cessation of suffering is attainable and the path to cessation is based on taking the middle path given in his eight-fold path.

Hinduism:
Hinduism essentially answers the question as to “how should one lead life?” According to Lord Krishna in the Gita, one should perform one’s duty with detachment and without any concern for the fruits of the action. We should perform all actions as a sacrifice to God in the full awareness that it is the Creator who is the doer of all actions. Further the Gita tells us that it is better to do what is intrinsic to one’s nature rather than just do something for another.

Christianisty:
The central message of Christianity is “how should one behave”. The bible requires us love one’s neighbor as one loves oneself. In fact, Jesus goes to the extent of requiring us to love where we would want to hate or in other words we are to “love our enemy”. The Bible also enjoins us to forgive those who err against us, pray for those who despise us. We are to lead a life of love, compassion and mercy.

While all the religions require us to conduct our lives with highest moral principles they essentially show a different path.