Top ten tips for leading a fulfilling life

We have heard a zillion times about the ways about becoming rich, about becoming powerful, on becoming successful and other cool things. I include below the top 10 ways of leading a fulfilling life. If you live a fulfilled life you will pretty soon convince yourself that you have also been successful.

So here goes. The 10 tips in no particular order

1. Be content. Be ambitious: The former statement will sound conflicting. But on closer look it really is not. At any given point in your life you should be content with what you have whether it is your personal fortune, your learning or your talents. But at any juncture in your life you must also be ambitious. It is fine to want wealth, to want fame, to want power as long as you do not compromise on true principles. Be ambitious and be proactive. Seize the initiative to make things happen in your life.

2. Never let go of common sense:  This is next important principle. Any action that you ever take or any new step that endeavor must withstand the test of common sense. If you want to invest in stocks ask yourself “Is this what large majority of people would do?”  Granted no great discovery comes from common sense but a large part of our life is governed by common sense. So for e.g. common sense dictates that we save some part of our wealth for our and our family’s future. Common sense requires that we hone our talents at office so we can move up the ladder. Common sense requires us to increase our friend’s circle. All your actions must have common sense as the foundation.

3. Make values your guiding light: This tip requires that we never compromise on true north bound principles under any circumstance. Values of integrity, perseverance, humility, compassion have with stood the test of time. In a way they are common sense. We should never compromise on principles even under adversity. In the long run a principled life will save your day.

4. Fraternize, fraternize and fraternize: Never underestimate the power of a social circle. Increase your circle of friends and indirectly increase your circle of influence. In this era of social networking make maximum use of Facebook, Twitter and good old phone calls to say hi to old friends and make new friends. Friends are useful in so many ways. They can be used as sounding boards, to discuss new ideas, to learn from their experience and their failures

5. Get to know yourself: This may sound unusual.  After all, what is there to know about you yourself? Actually there is a goldmine of knowledge inside you. For one you try to understand what your real strengths and weaknesses are. With a little common sense you can try to further improve your strengths while working on your weaknesses. Besides one should also take a closer look at one’s biases and pre-conceived notions. Dive deep into your past and you are bound to come up with pearls of wisdom on what worked well in your life and what did not.

6. Exercise: Exercise your body, mind and spirit. At whatever stage of life you are at make sure you get an adequate amount of physical exercise. You could hit the gym thrice a week, pump irons or just take a brisk walk everyday. After all if you want to live your life well and enjoy it a good body is essential. Read a lot of good books and exercise your mind. Jogging your mind is necessary to stay young as you grow old in life. Finally exercise your spirit by serving people in whatever way you can. You can perform random acts of kindness. Go out of your way to spread joy to people. For those spiritually inclined praying fervently is also

7. All good things take time: Remember life is a marathon and one needs to be patient in life. We have to work patiently to improve ourselves and our talents. There are no enduring short cuts in life. Your life will be intertwined with the lives of your grandparents, your parents, your siblings, your children and your grand children. You have to work your way through all the numerous interactions in life. Persevere and work patiently in achieving your goal.

8. Lower your expectations: Keep your expectations low. As St. Francis of Assisi said “Expect nothing. Enjoy everything”. As long as you keep your expectations low you are bound to be happy and satisfied with what you get. While you can be ambitious in life you must also keep your expectations of yourself realistic.

9. Be grateful: Be grateful for the little things that you have been given in this life. Avoid comparisons to others. While it may appear that your friends and colleagues who may have more that you are happier in reality they may not be. Happiness is not in what you have but in what you choose to be. Choose to be happy and enjoy everything.

10. Have a purpose in life: “What is the meaning of my life” may sound rhetorical. But you could have a simple enough reason like making sure that you buy your own house in the next 5 years, to spending an hour a week at an ashram to giving 1% of your salary to the poor every year. A purpose in life will help you tide through troubles in life. As Nietzsche said “Anybody who knows the why of life can almost certainly handle any how”

If you follow even a few of these tips you are bound to have a more fulfilling and hence successful life. 

The difficulty of altruism

All of us have altruistic urges, to a larger or smaller extent. But there is usually only a small part of us that is kind. However being consistently and uniformly altruistic is rare and fairly non-existent even among so called swamis and holy men.

The lopsided altruism: Most of us practice lopsided altruism. There are some who would not bat an eyelid in shelling out money to a charitable organization - to orphans, to the hungry and the needy. Yet these very same people will find it difficult to be charitable in their nature to their relatives or a colleague. They will be unkind, rude and biased. On the other hand there are those who will be generous to their near and dear ones. They will make sure that their family, relatives and dear ones get their full attention. However they will turn a blind eye to the destitute and the really needy.

The generosity oxymoron: We are expected to give without even the expectation of gratitude. However we generally tend to feel pleased with ourselves and our own perceived nobility. In fact some people even go to the extent of comparing themselves mentally and feel that they are superior in generosity. This is an oxymoron. There is never more generosity. It is as meaningless as being “more pure”.

Ego vs. altruism: This is another bind we typically get into. For e,g. if there is another who is also morally responsible for something then our altruism will depend on whether the other person is equally altruistic as we perceive ourselves to be. For e.g. if there is a village which can benefit from increased funding we will feel that we can give only if all responsible parties also give. Closer to home it is common for a spouse to ignore their child if their significant other ignores the child. In these cases the ego gets in the way and the child or the village suffers. It is better that we get rid of our egoism and give regardless of whether anybody else does or not.

While all of us have an altruistic and generous nature out pettiness often gets in the way. Generosity of heart has to be practiced till it becomes a habit. It requires a lot of thought to keep us broad minded and truly generous.

Modes of the mind – The assimilator, the evaluator and the processor modes

Our mind operates in many modes the results of which are our outbursts, our irritations, signs of impatience, flashes of insight or feelings of wistfulness. In my opinion there are 3 main modes in which out mind operates.  All the modes may operate simultaneously but usually one of them predominates. I call them the assimilator, the evaluator and the processor modes.

The Assimilator mode: In this mode the mind is absorbing things quietly. While you may focus on only a part of an event or a picture the mind goes about assimilating all sorts of information. For e.g. while we may be watching a sporting event our mind may record the smells, the sounds and the general atmosphere. While we may not be aware of this assimilation it is this recording of the mind that sometimes triggers strange feelings of longing when we see or experience something. It is quite likely that in the past we observed an event when a particular doleful song was being played. It is quite likely that when we hear the tune we may be reminded of the event or a similar experience may trigger feelings of melancholy.

The Evaluator Mode:  In this mode our mind is evaluating a situation or an experience and will constantly give us its assessment. After we complete our exams or finish a tough interview the Evaluator mode goes on an overdrive. The mind keeps evaluating the situation and starts nagging. How often have we been on tenterhooks to know whether we would pass a competitive exam or whether we would get a dream job?  In this mode the mind keeps constantly nagging. We can neither wish it away nor ignore it. One approach is to try and reason and justify your position to yourself. This can put a temporary stop but beware it can re-appear with renewed vigor if your reasoning is not good enough.

The Processor mode: In this mode the mind is most effective. In this mode the mind quietly works on any complex problem that is bothering you. You may not be even aware of its working. However the mind in the background is trying out various possibilities and determining solutions. It is creative and come ups with ideas that you consciously would not even think of. Flashes of insight or serendipitous discoveries happen because the mind is operating in the processor mode. When we are faced with a tough problem it is good idea to give the problem some thought and simply park it our brain. As long as you have a strong intention in getting the problem solved you can rest assured, literally, that your mind will figure it out for you.

Knowing the different modes of the mind is extremely important in our daily lives. In the assimilator mode it is a good idea to be extra alert, in the evaluator mode we must reason out the situation for ourselves and in the processor mode we must have a strong desire for an outcome. If we do this we will put our minds to good use.

The Mirage of Success

What is success?  As we grow older the word “success” undergoes a major transformation. From our early view that success is getting a first class in your board exam, to cracking a competitive exam and much later to securing a dream job our notion of success undergoes a metamorphosis.

We are often told that “Success is not a destination but a journey”. This is true to an extent. However success cannot be defined in narrow terms of a specific context or a time continuum.

Success in life is dependent on not just our place in life but also on that of our near and dear ones and people at large. As we grow older success can not be based on only our achievements it will also depend on the achievements of people we love.  But then the natural question arises, is success really dependent on achievements. So do we think that a Michael Jackson or a Elvis Presley was successful?

Clearly this is not the case. Success is not dependent on achieving laurels, fame, respect or power. In my opinion it also does not imply sustained fame, respect or power.  To me success in life is how well a person is able to tackle the challenges in life. Success is also dependent on how well you can inculcate a sense of confidence, a sense of courage and discipline in your children or family member. Success also implies how we go about improving the lot of people’s lives in whatever small or insignificant ways. Success then means how we conduct our lives and how we inspire others to live well.

As we reach closer to the grave if we look back at our lives what will we think of? Will we recount the fame or the money we earned? Will we be able to look at satisfaction at the way our children carry themselves. Will be look back at all those times we were able to lend a helping hand to those in need?

Success as we know or visualize is nothing more than a mirage. The occasional triumphs, the victories or recognitions we get will pass.

What will endure are the principles that we hand down to children, the values that we inspire in others. That in my opinion is “true success!”